The Host - Before and After the Rain
by Maira Z. Pereira
Summary: The viewpoint of Ian O'Shea from the moment he discovers that Wanderer wants to return Melanie's body and leave him.
1. Chapter 1 Fury

**For those who don't know me, I should warn you that this story was originally written in Brazilian Portuguese, my native language. This is a translation, so it may have some mistakes and/or words misspelled. Nevertheless, know that I did the best I could. All characters and some of the dialogues belong to Stephenie Meyer's The Host.**

_This chapter is Ian's POV in the chapter Welded from The Host._

- What?

The question was rhetorical. I couldn't even ask if I had heard right, because she had been very clear. Wanda had told Sunny that she'd also give back her body, that she would leave and the two of them could even go together. The question was not to make sure about the truth that has befallen me, but if she would have the courage to look into my eyes and say that she'd deprived me of any right of decision. She couldn't correspond to my love, it hurt to admit, but I was used to that idea, but she had no right to pull me out of myself that way. She had no right to create a situation over which I had no control. Did she think she could simply get tired of us and do a checkout from Earth? Who does she think she is?

- Ian? What's the problem? - asked Kyle, acting like an idiot zombie. If I hadn't checked his eyes more than once, I'd be sure he had turned into one of these stupid and selfish Souls with innocent face, who trample us as if to stop the flow of a completely organized anthill.

- Wanda - I called through clenched teeth, reaching for her, not quite sure what that hand could hit if I didn't stop it in time. At least _that_ I could control.

She didn't answer me, instead she kept staring, probably thinking what lie she would tell me next. Jared was right all along about the tricks of these parasites...

Jared.

Jared knew. The bastard knew it all along, I was sure. She should have told him, ensuring that he loved her for this. A great and ultimate sacrifice for love of this loutish. What about me? An idiot who does not deserve any explanation? Wasn't I even worthy of this? My patience ended, it really wasn't at its best anyway, but any remnant was over. I grabbed her by the arm and pulled her up. Sunny came bundled, trying to protect her "little sister".

_Oh no, honey! That you'll have to face alone!_

I shook her body until the other one wasn´t able to hold on to her anymore. This apparently took Kyle out of his lethargy and he rehearsed a reaction. I simply wasn't interested in wasting my time with him or anyone else. Master of itself, my knee bent and my foot came down on my brother's face. My brother who heard the news that had destroyed me with placidity. My brother who had tried to kill her. Was for that she was still alive? To kill me inside then?

Jared stood in the doorway, crying about how crazy I was, that I would hurt her and all that.

- Do you know what she's planning?

He said nothing, just looked at me. But his face was not even close to being unreadable. He knew. My whole body went forward culminating in a punch. All the anger and jealousy that I had felt ending up in the pit of my stomach. He was ready to allow her to give her life to please him, to destroy my happiness to guarantee his.

- _I'm_ going to hurt her? _I am_? _You hypocritical swine! _

I pulled her down the aisles, as indifferent to her appeals as, during all this time, she had been to mine. I heard her stumble behind me, brought her body forward pushing hard when she couldn't follow my steps. She stopped complaining, but I heard her gasp. I really wanted her to suffer, wanted her to get hurt. If she didn't value this body, why should I? I wanted that the decision to leave could hurt her as much as it hurt me.

She moaned in pain. That's what I wanted, but at the same time it wasn't. I wanted her to suffer, but couldn't bear when it really happened. The confusion of that moment made me stumble and I stopped.

- Ian, Ian, I...

_Now you want to talk? Now you want my attention? Here, with darkness to protect you? Lest I see your eyes and you do not mine? To make everything easier for you?_

I took her in his arms and this contact made me soften. In some ways, Wanderer was like a child who didn't understand the extent of her own actions. She wasn't the crazy selfish long nailed creature digging them into my heart as I was seeing her for the last few minutes. Deep down, I knew it. This was just another time I had to defend her from herself. But how to defend _myself_ when she wanted me out of everything?

I crossed the big plaza. I couldn't look around to deal with the prying eyes or with someone who dared to defend her. I had a bulldozer inside me and it wouldn't stop until it'd topple everything in its path. We got to my room and I kicked one of the doors. Just one thing on my demolition list. I threw her over the mattress without bothering much with the "landing". Other female bodies had taken that fall gracefully, anxious for what would follow. But what would follow this time would not be pretty.


	2. Chapter 2 Raging Sea

**Dear readers, I'm sorry for the delay. I would like you to know that this is not lack of consideration for you or something like that. What happens is that I write another story on this Brazilian site of fanfics and, unlike here, people there leaves lots of comments and they are very demanding about keeping the posts updated. This takes a lot of my time and, since here I have almost no return from you guys (with rare exceptions), I end up leaving the translations into the background. I'll try to avoid that and better organize my time. And if one reads in Portuguese and want to know my other story, send me a message and I'll reply with the link. Now, back to Ian and Wanda.**

I turned my back for a second to put the door in place. When I turned back she was sitting, hands outstretched to me as an offering. Empty hands. I was a raging sea, and all Wanderer had to offer me was the lonely vastness of desert.

- You. Are. Not. Leaving. Me - The waves crashing endlessly inside my chest.f

- Ian - she whispered - You have to see that... that I can't stay. You must see that.

I didn't have to understand a damn thing.

- NO!

She cringed, scared with the strength of my cry, with the weight of my pain. Suddenly, the weight was too much for me too and I fell on my knees, burying my head on her belly, clinging to her waist, trying to imbibe her, take her into me. Tempest. It was the word that came to mind, a storm at sea. My whole body was out of control, trembling at the sound of sobs uncontrollably leaving out of me.

- Ian, please. Don't feel this way. Don't. I'm so sorry. Please.

She was crying too, taken by my pain and perhaps by her own.

- You can't leave."

- I have to, I have to - she said amid sobs.

She was really suffering, after all. It wasn't a selfish decision. I knew better than that and her tears falling down on me could tell I was right all along. She cared about me too. But Wanda had to be Wanda. That's why I fell for her, because there was not a grain of selfishness in all the vastness of the desert that she offered me. She had her reasons. She wanted to give Melanie a chance to live and to Jared the chance to be happy. She wanted to give Jamie his sister back. Again, however, she and I were losing in the bargain.

- Sorry. I was mean.

- No, no. I'm sorry. I should have told you, when you didn't guess. I just... I couldn't. I didn't want to tell you - to hurt you - to hurt me. It was selfish.

Selfish. Not really. We would have to be selfish _now_. I would be selfish for us both if I needed. Everyone, including her, trying to protect Melanie. For it was my duty to protect the woman I loved. Especially when, apparently, I was the only one who would.

- We need to talk about this, Wanda. It's not a done deal. It can't be.

- It is.

_No way!_

She decided that since the Seeker. Certainly, when the only secret that guaranteed her safety was revealed to save her enemy, she thought now she would be obliged to save her friend. Not if she had to give up her own life for that. I would not let her, I would break Doc's fingers if he came near her.

- No one is making me. I didn't show Doc how to do the separation so that I could save the Seeker. The Seeker's being here just made me have to decide... faster. I did it to save Mel, Ian."

_And who will save you, little wacky?_

- She's trapped in here, Ian. It's like a prison… worse than that; I can't even describe it. She's like a ghost. And I can free her. I can give her herself back.

It was hard to fight that logic. I didn't mean Melanie no harm. I even cared a little about her, because she was important to Wanda. But someone needed to put Wanderer in the foreground, as she never did.

- You deserve a life, too, Wanda. You deserve to stay.

- But I love her, Ian.

Someone also had to put _me_ in the foreground.

- But I love _you_. Doesn't that matter?

- Of course it matters. So much. Can't you see? That only makes it more... necessary.

_Come again?_

Did she mean my presence interfered? I was imposing on her and getting in the way for Jared? That was it?

- Is it so unbearable to have me love you? Is that it? I can keep my mouth shut, Wanda. _– Could I?_ - I won't say it again. You can be with Jared, if that's what you want. _- Maybe this is just an empty promise. A bluff. But it doesn't matter._- Just stay. – _Right now, that's all that matters to me._

For the first time she touched me in a way that made me feel more than her dear friend, holding my face between her hands, enjoying the touch of my skin, looking me in the eyes.

- No, Ian! - she said urgent - No. I… I love you, too. Me, the little silver worm in the back of her head. But my body doesn't love you. It can't love you. I can never love you in this body, Ian. It pulls me in two. It's unbearable.

For the first time I understood. I understood the truth, the waves hitting me fully in the middle of the chest. We had already had a conversation like this when she discovered that I loved her. When _we_ discovered that Iloved her. But now there was something new brought to the table. She was telling me she loved me too.

But she was also telling me that she couldn't be with me.

_My Soul_ was pulling me in two directions, too.

Slowly, as if dragging her body in the direction it should have taken, she put her arms around my neck, her skin so close to mine that burned. She put her lips on mine and I pulled her even closer. Our lips repeated the gestures that I had shared with so many mouths, but this was different. It made perfect sense, as if it had always been that way. As if that kiss was born before us. An undersea volcano erupting, creating new depths for the ocean.

Wanda began to cry again. I moved my lips to her eyes, now without any doubt that everything would be right:

- Don't cry, Wanda. Don't cry. You're staying with me.

- Eight full lives. Eight full lives and I never found anyone I would stay on a planet for, anyone I would follow when they left. I never found a partner. Why now? Why you? You're not of my species. How can you be my partner?

_Because, thousands of years ago, you were meant to me, Wanderer._

- It's a strange universe – I murmured.

- It's not fair - she said, thinking only about us for the first time - I love you.

_Wasn't fair to love me and have to leave me?_

- Don't say that like you're saying goodbye.

- I, the soul called Wanderer, love you, human Ian. And that will never change, no matter what I might become. If I were a Dolphin or a Bear or a Flower, it wouldn't matter. I would always love you, always remember you. You will be my only partner.

Wanderer was jumping into the sea, giving me a reason to pull her to me and never let her go.

I had fought so far, even seeing her heart melt for Jared, even though Mel didn't want me around. But _she _wanted. Wanderer told me that she wanted me and now is that I wasn't going to give up.

- You're not wandering off anywhere. You're staying here.

- Ian…

- This isn't just for me. You're a part of this community, and you aren't getting kicked out without discussion. You are far too important to us all… even to the ones who would never admit it. We need you.

- No one's kicking me out, Ian.

- No. Not even you yourself, Wanderer.

Finally, she was learning to think a little bit about herself. No, it wasn't fair, like she said. With neither of us. And I wasn't going to stand still waiting for her altruism to reappear and put it all at risk.

I kissed her again. A final confirmation that her will was still in me.

- Good or bad?

- Good.

- That's what I thought.

A new kiss sealed my resolution. My whole body was burning next to hers and I felt the lava solidifying the firmest of the certainties: I wouldn't lose her.

- Let's go.

- Where? Where are we going?

- Don't give me any trouble about this, Wanderer. I'm half out of my mind.

I got up and went on, instructing her to wait for me in the game room, deaf to any argument otherwise.

- I'm calling a tribunal.


	3. Chapter 3 Tribunal

_Chapter 3 – Tribunal_

_This one is based on the chapter "Completed"._

In the small tribunal, we were all sitting on the stone floor, right on the edges of the circle created by the light, with Wanda sat facing us. Even her very posture indicated that she felt she had to defend herself and I really wanted her to think she was guilty of a crime. A crime against herself, against me.

But I knew that that wasn't true. She was aware she had to defend her decision, but she didn't see that what she was doing was wrong. She was looking at it like a mother who knows what's best for her children, even if they don't like going to the dentist or eating their vegetables. Except that in this case it wasn't something as simple as a trip to the dentist, and she was wrong about what she thought was best for us.

As with all humans, Wanda's biggest quality was also her main flaw: her extreme altruism turned her into the most stubborn of creatures when she denied her own needs. But _that_ was what I was here for. To remind her that she had one more necessity to consider: mine.

I had called just a few people together for the tribunal, I didn't want to make our pain a show for those who had nothing to do with this decision. Jared was here, due to his interest in Mel's release. Doc, who would perform the procedure if I didn't break his hand before he got there. And Jeb, because, as he would say, "this is my house." I had the feeling that Jamie would be a strong ally for my cause, but I didn't play dirty. I couldn't use the kid to manipulate her feelings as Jared had done. Besides, she would never forgive me, she wouldn't even agree to be here if she had to face Jamie too.

As Wanda had to be Wanda, she wanted news about Sunny and the Healer before we could start. She was surprised and saddened to learn that Sunny had already left. "Wait for me, little sister!" She must have thought. Not in a million years will I allow that, you stubborn little soul!

When it finally started, Jeb "presiding" over everything and asking for our claims, we were brief:

- I'm giving Melanie back - she said firmly, as if there could be no logical argument against her departure.

- We need Wanda here – I countered.

_You didn't count on that, huh, you hard-headed soul! There is no argument more logical than the greater good!_

When Jeb nodded, seriously considering my view, I continued:

- We have to look at the greater good, Jeb. Wanda's already brought us more health and security than we've ever had. She's vital to the survival of our community… of the entire human race. One person can't stand in the way of that.

Wanda argued with lies, saying that Mel wanted her body back. I knew almost nothing about Mel, but I was pretty sure she wouldn't want to lose Wanda. In addition, Mel could share her knowledge, as Wanda pointed out, but she was not a Soul. It would be the end of raids in which we could actually get things that gave us more comfort and safety. Yes, we had survived without these things before, but it was just that: survival. Because of Wanda, now we lived. Because of her, now _I_ lived.

Jared protested vehemently, claiming that Melanie was entitled to have her body back. I knew that, and I understood their situation, but he was talking about murder, without thinking that Wanda was also a victim. As always, I was the only one who saw these things.

- And what is it that you're doing to Wanda, Jared? And the rest of us, if you take her away?

Taking her away from us that meant we could no longer have medicines and healthier food, that we couldn't wear clean clothes instead of rags and we couldn't be free from disease. All this, things that could never be underestimated, would end without Wanda. But that was not my main reason. The whole point was that _I_ would end without her. And Jared knew this well:

- You don't care about the rest of anybody! You just want to keep Wanda at Melanie's expense… nothing else matters to you.

- And you want to have Melanie at Wanda's expense… nothing else matters to you! So, with those things being equal, it comes down to what's best for everyone else.

_Ha, now chew on that stone, Howe!_

- No! It comes down to what Melanie wants! That's her body!

_It's Wanda's body too, you jerk!_

We were both heated,each of us defending the woman we loved. There was no cause more passionate than that and our bodies reacted accordingly, placing themselves in postures ready for confrontation. Jeb had to calm us down, his fingers scratching the trigger. Sometimes I wondered what kind of man Jeb was before all this. He fits so well here, so sure of his reign, that it was almost impossible to see him in the normal world, in the world before. After thinking for a second, he said:

- Okay, here's how I see it. Wanda's right...

I couldn't even let him finish. My body jumped as if propelled by a spring, ready to leave carrying Wanda forcibly away. I have no idea of where would I hide us, but I didn't have time to think about anything. Upon seeing my reaction he continued:

- Hold it! Sit yourself back down. Let me finish – hesitant, I obeyed - Wanda is right. Mel needs her body back. But... - _Well, I had gotten this far, genius!_ - But I don't agree with the rest, Wanda. I think we need you pretty bad, kid. We got Seekers out there lookin' for us, and you can talk right to 'em. The rest of us can't do that. You save lives. I got to think about the welfare of my household.

_Uh, finally logical thinking on someone's part! _

- So we get her another body. Obviously – Jared said to everyone's surprise.

Obviously. Once I heard that the obvious is always that idea that wasn't there a moment ago. It was really an interesting idea. I had to admit that when Jared put that big head of his to work, he could be pretty smart. But nothing was ever easy these days: Wanda protested. She said she didn't want to be a parasite, didn't want to have to relive it all again. How I hated that word now! I trembled with rage when someone used it against her, even Wanda herself.

To occupy the body of a human, according to Wanda, was much more difficult, other hosts didn't have so much individuality, their emotions were softer and blah, blah, blah ... about why she didn't want to "steal" the body of another human. If she asked me, there are a lot of people, right there inside the caves, who deserved to be suppressed. But of course she didn't see it the same way.

Nobody was taking these arguments of hers very seriously, until she said that being in another body could make her come back differently. This got their attention. Perhaps, it would drag her to other loves, like Melanie had dragged her back to Jared and Jamie. Maybe we wouldn't be able to trust her anymore and she would bring the Seekers to us.

I didn't really believe in any of those things. I just couldn't believe that kiss, everything she'd told me a few moments ago, was instilled in me alone. Impossible to believe that even in the body of a Seeker she would do something that put Jamie at risk. What about Jared? Even without the appeal he has in Melanie's eyes, Wanda also loves him in a way none of us really understand. And what about Jeb, the first person who offered her a helping hand? And Lily, Trudy, Geoffrey and all the friends she'd made here? She nearly died to save Kyle's life, right after he'd tried to kill her, how could she harm all of us, those who loved her?

I was sure that all these loves had marked Wanderer's Soul with fire, but I also had to admit that we need to consider more carefully the extent of influence that a new body could have. We had a new hope, but time was needed to assess the situation properly. And, if finally we decided it was too risky to change, nothing would change. I wouldn't allow it.

- It's okay, honey. You don't have to be anyone else. Nothing's going to change – I said as I hugged her to contain her tears.

But the seed was cast. Different things were taking root in the minds of each of us, and we were all able to realize the need for time to reorganize our ideas and arguments. Furthermore, Wanda was hungry. She could be using this as an excuse to escape the discussion, but I knew it was true. She hadn't eaten for a long time and I wasn't able to think of anything else once I realized she needed something, such was my fear that she neglected herself to the point that she might put herself injeopardy.

We ended the tribunal. We could start over the next day, when our heads were in the right place.

* * *

[H1]All in all pretty good! Just a few minor tweeks and you will be away. Your english is really good! J


	4. Chapter 4 Contradictions and Dilemmas

**Hello, readers.**

**Sorry for the delay in updating. I don't want to think I have no regard for you. I know through Traffic Stats that many people read my stories, people from many different countries, which I think is absolutely fantastic, not to mention flattering.**  
**It's just that for some reason I wanted to know, but I don't, you seem to dread leaving reviews and never let me know what you are thinking.**  
**This story is ready, but do the translation is something very time consuming. I needed some time to decide if I was willing to do this even with almost zero feedback.**  
**Well, as I don't like to stop something I'd started and lack the courage to delete the chapters already posted, I decided to continue with or without reviews. Even if sometimes it takes a little bit to post.**

**Thank you very much to Karka, who was my beta reader here and at the previous chapter.**

_This one is also based on the chapter "Completed"._

We ate in silence, one of my hands clinging to Wanda's waist. I couldn't argue when she asked me to get the food and bring it to the field where we grew wheat sprouts. She wanted to get away from Jamie. That meant she was still fixed on the idea of leaving us.

I felt sorry for the kid. If I hadn't heard her conversation with Sunny, I would have been caught by surprise when there was no longer anything I could do about it. That's what'd happen with him. Wanda intended to pass a red light and run over the two morons who loved her most: Jamie and myself. Jamie would at least have his sister back. I was just going to get the blow. Good for me that I had woken up today with plans on running some cars over.

That was something my father used to tell me whenever my fights with Kyle got to ugly: that I was willing to run over a car, instead of the other way around. Kyle was stronger and older and always so... well, brutal is a word that defines it well. My father clearly feared for me, but I always found a way to defend myself. He hated it when we fought. "That's what happens in a house with no woman in it," he used to say. My poor father.

Who knows if Kyle was right. If all went well with Jodi, there was hope for him. That, however, would mean that what happened to Melanie, Lacey and apparently with the Healer's host, had not been exceptions. Knowing this would render the possibility raised by Jared impractical. Or much more difficult, at least.

After eating, we went straight to the hospital. Wanda wanted to see Jodi and Sunny. Kyle was there, his eyes set on Jodi's body, one hand holding her hand, the other cradling the tank where Sunny was. Another thing Kyle can be: contradictory. But the scene failed to amaze me actually. Some women had the power to transform my brother into a Big Care Bear. Sunny, as it seems, was one of them.

But Wanda was positively surprised by Kyle's reaction. She saw something in that gesture, something my idiot brother should have shown from the beginning. If he didn't have the world's thickest skull. Why is that everybody in my life has to be more stubborn than a stuck donkey? And why is that I often have to be even more stubborn than they are?

Wanda taught Kyle how to talk to Jodi, trying to bring her into awareness through her memories:

- Kyle's waiting for you, Jodi. He got himself in a lot of trouble getting you here… everybody who knows him wants to beat him senseless.

- Not that you're surprised to hear that. When hasn't that been the case, eh, Jodi? It's good to see you again, sweetheart. Though I wonder if you feel the same way. Must have been a nice break to get rid of this idiot for so long. - I added, trying to see if Kyle, who was still in zombie mode, could also be revived a bit.

Jodi was a nice girl. She used to think that Kyle's arrogance was funny, but she had her own sweet little way of controlling his megalomania and still make him feel special. Of course, Kyle didn't realize that.

_"Jodi thinks I'm an ass!_" he complained when she laughed at his crazy ideas.

_"Proof that, despite being your girlfriend, she is a healthy girl_," I said, taking the opportunity to torment him.

"_She_ _said I shouldn't buy that awesome car I saw on TV._ 'What will you do with a car like this, Kyle? Go hoon driving? Why have a car that gets so much speed if you just drive here in town? It´s too expensive, Kyle! You need to think ahead, Kyle!'" he said, imitating her, his voice growing more sharp the more angry he became.

Jodi was right. The idiot wanted to spend all the money he had spent years saving to buy a hideous car, which looked like something straight out of Monster Truck.

"_She is a woman, Kyle. She doesn't understand your needs. She won't ever understand that you need a big car to compensate for the size of other things."_

"_You know, Ian, your teeth look crooked today, let me rearrange them for you."_

"_Easy there, Pit Bull, I was just talking about your brain,"_ I teased him as I moved toward the door of the room stealthily.

"_You know what, asshole? I was going to make some adjustments in your face, but I don't think you're worth the time and effort it would cost me. I'll be here thinking about how I was treated well after she said I was too beautiful to need a big and flashy car. You can die of envy, because with that ugly face of yours, no woman will love you and treat you right like I was treated today."_

"_Well, it looks like you should save your money to buy a brilliant dog collar!_" I said over my shoulder as I ran from the room for good.

It had always been this, we spent a lifetime mocking each other. But that was our way to bond. It was the kind of thing I did only with my brother, because if any other person spoke to one of us like this, would take a beating. From both of us.

- You remember Ian, of course. Never has managed to catch up to me in anything, but he keeps trying. Hey, Ian, you got anything you want to say to me?

- Not really.

- I'm waiting for an apology.

- Keep waiting.

- Can you believe he kicked me in the face, Jodes? For no reason at all.

For no reason at all. I mean, try to kill the woman I love was just a sibling thing, right? We haven't exactly made amends about that yet. And, honestly, I don't think we ever will. Whatever our relationship would be from here, would have work in spite of that shit. After all, he was the only family I had. For now. But that was another story and I couldn't discuss it at this moment. Especially here in front of Jodi. So I limited myself to teasing him again.

- Who needs an excuse, eh, Jodi?

We remain there, Kyle thinking of Jodi, I thinking about Wanda, Wanda thinking ... I dunno, probably about Melanie. Until, to everyone's surprise, Kyle came up with this:

- Wanda? I'm sorry.

_Huh? Who are you and what have you done with my brother? Oops, nowadays this old saying had dangerous consequences!_

Wanda returned the question without having the slightest idea what he was talking about.

- Um... why?

- For trying to kill you. Guess I _was_ wrong.

Apologize and admit he was wrong. Two things Kyle just don't do. I stared at my brother's face as if he had grown a second head, right beside that old hard one that couldn't be open with a hammer. Kyle's head was like one of those glass jars closed with vacuum that you struggle like hell to open and the lid doesn't move. And then along comes a fragile girl and opens the jar easily, killing you with shame.

Whatever has happened in the last few hours of my brother's life had changed him. Something told me Sunny was responsible for the different image he now had of the Souls. Well, no need to be too smart and intuitive to realize that. It was impossible to ignore his arm squat to criotanque.

Whatever it was, however much I wanted to have a tape recorder to prove to myself that it was not my imagination, the moment was over. Probably would ever happen again. But it did me good to know that the idiot had been less stupid.

Wanda was happy too, I could see, but soon a shadow passed over her face. Her delicate expression was slightly clouded, full of weariness. She wanted to go to sleep. It seemed she was being more attentive to herself now, to her own needs. I accepted that willingly. I figured she wouldn't want to talk to Jamie, so I took her to my room and she agreed to stay there, lying curled on one of the mattresses.

I lay down beside her, wrapping her in a tight hug. In the dark room and with her back to my chest, I couldn't see her face, but I could feel her whole body shaking uncontrollably. Having her body against mine gave me ideas to which I would have readily given into in other circumstances. Touching her was awfully tempting, but it was clear she wasn't feeling the same. You could feel how terrified she was. To be honest, the impasse frightened me as well. It would be a struggle to convince her to stay. It would be impossible for her to convince me to let her go.

And about Jared's ideia... So much could go wrong! What if Doc was careless and Wanda got hurt in the process? After all, he had never done it alone, and the Healer's host might not remember things well enough to help. And what if she was right about her new host body pulling her away from us? Drag her to a new love? Already happened once, it could happen again. If loving the beloved of her hosts were a feature of Wanderer Soul, could she avoid it? She loved me, but also loved Jared, and Jamie, and Melanie... To add someone else to this equation would madden us all.

Her tremors got more intense, so I intensified my hug too.

- It's going to be fine, Wanda. I know we'll find a solution.

It wasn't exactly a lie. It just wasn't true at that moment. Wanda would never need to know how I was when I lied. I would never have the courage to lie to her. The moment she looked at me with those eyes that know no disloyalty, I'd fall apart as a code deciphered. Lucky me I was not seeing those eyes now, because faith in finding a solution to our problem came and went like the tide.

- I truly love you, Ian. With my whole soul, I love you.

- I truly love you, too, my Wanderer - I said looking for her mouth so I could kiss her. I wish I could look at her now, for her to see the truth of _these_ words, the truth my body was telling that body she wanted to give away. The truth that my kiss was trying to burn in her soul.

The shakings subsided, the wind died down in the waves of the raging sea and, with her safe in my arms, I sank into darkness.


	5. Chapter 5 Alone

**_I'd like to thank all of those who let me know what they thought through sweet reviews._** _**I'd also like to thank those who are now following me and/or this story and those who added between their favorites.**_

_**And, of course, a special thanks to my beta Karka.**_

_**Happy and Blessed Easter everybody!**_

_This chapter is based on the bonus chapter written by Stephenie Meyer which fits between chapters 58 and 59 chapters of the book. It's also called Alone. If you didn't read, look up for it, because it's amazing._

I open my eyes in my old room, back in the house where I lived when I had a family. The familiar scent fills the air and tells me that my mother is preparing my father's favorite meal. They talk and laugh excitedly, their joy calming my agonized heart, and it's like I can see their smiles without having to look at them. Why don't I feel happy too?

I get out of bed, feeling an uncontrollable urge to go to them. It's what I need, isn't it? Be with someone I love... Arrive on time... Protect.

However, my steps don't cover any distance and the more I walk down the hall to get to the kitchen, the further away I get.

_Great, a nightmare!_ – Part of my mind is conscious enough to recognize this eve as the rest of my mind flits through the dream.

I keep walking, but never get to the kitchen door and the laughter becomes more distant, more like memories. The walls are made of stone now.

- Please, wake up! - Kyle begs in a whisper. But he's not talking to me. His call is for Jodi, still sleeping in Doc's hospital.

_Forever?_ - Something inside me asks again.

- Please, come back. I can't stand to be alone anymore! - Kyle begs again, but the voice is no longer his. It is quieter, but equally full of pain. And it's coming out of my mouth.

It's Wanda who is now lying on the cot and I'm the one who's begging. She opens her eyes and smiles, but when she opens her arms it's Jared who she raises to embrace. They are happy and she looks at me, the silver glow slowly fading from her eyes:

- She's trapped in here, Ian. It's like a prison… worse than that; I can't even describe it. She's like a ghost. And I can free her. I can give her herself back.

- Then give her back! Give her back to me, Melanie. I love her.

- She loves you, too. She, the little silver worm in the back of my head. But my body doesn't love you. It can't love you. She can never love you in this body, Ian. _I _don't love you.

- No, Melanie, you gotta make Wanda come back, you can't let her go. Find her there inside you...

Jared looks at me with indifference, but Melanie suffers for me. She breaks free of his arms and hugs me. That's all I ever wanted, but actually is not. It is wrong and weird and you can see it clearly, so Jared doesn't care. She no longer fits in my arms as before. She starts looking for her place in my embrace, but can't find, so she moves away.

- I'm sorry, Ian.

A scream forms in my throat and the sound it makes disappears when I wake. It is already light, and a split second after I feel her absence from my arms, my eyes confirm, that Wanda is not here. I get up and I run to find her. I run to the bright plaza and the knot in my throat breaks up: there she is, running to meet me too. My desire to hug her is so violent that I hold her arms first so that my body doesn't clash with hers. A smile begins to form on my face when I look at Wanda. No, not at Wanda. At Melanie. Unknown eyes in the face that I know by heart as the one I love.

The thought never really got to form in my mind. It was my heart that felt it. Thousandths of a second before my brain could process any information, my soul knew what that meant. Wanderer was gone.

I look at Melanie. She is beautiful and my senses are used to loving her, to welcome her image, but there is a gap between us. I walk away and let go of the body I've learned to love. Touching her was like hugging a childhood friend you haven't seen for many years. You know that person knows essential things about who you are, about the clay you're made of, but it feels like she's only a stranger and nothing more. The body doesn't find its way back to something that no longer belongs to the heart.

Nothing makes sense, just like when I was dreaming, although I understood everything. I always thought that when someone went through grief it would feel numb. That's how I felt when I lost my mother. When she was gone, I could feel my heart breaking. The thing every child dreaded had happened to me, and I had been helpless in the knowledge that, from that moment on, everything would be different. But my child's brain could not understand the exact dimension of that change, the exact size of that sadness. Only over the years could I really know what that loss meant and how much suffering it would still put me through.

When Kyle and I came here and knew we could not save our father, I was enraged. I felt so angry that this feeling took over me, replacing and numbing the pain until I could handle it.

But each pain is different, it seems.

Now, there was no anger or confusion, I wasn't numb or angry, instead I was painfully aware. Aware that the woman I loved had silently and stealthily pulled herself out of my life. Forever.

But that was Wanda, right? Simply the essence of Wanderer. The reason and result of her sacrifice was here before my eyes. Beautiful. Free. Alive. She would be happy to see Mel with her own eyes. Wasn't it stupid? I didn't even know if she had eyes.

A stupid smile began to form on my face. Maybe I was going crazy. I could almost see my sanity vanishing, as if I were a host abandoned and left behind. The poor Ian crumbling and becoming just a shell, used and thrown away. That's great, I was thinking of myself in the third person! The Wacky Ian was really going downhill!

"She's fine. She's in a tank. We'll get her a body. She'll be fine. Fine. She's fine."

Melanie seemed a little crazy too, her voice almost disappearing just before finish speaking. Not the voice I know. It doesn't have that sweet inflection I am used to. For a moment, I feel even more unhappy when I realize I'd never hear that voice again. Not out of Wanda's mouth, at least. I try to hold on to memories before they start to fade, but there is something more urgent to consider. Something that pulls me out of my momentary pit of madness. What Mel says stops the process of disintegration.

Wanderer is alive, we can bring her back. I look at Melanie and I recognize in her a friend. We have something in common, we love her.

She looks back at me, stretches her arms to halfway of a hug, but gives up. I can see her struggling with the urge to touch me. She doesn't know what to do. Neither do I. I can't force my arms toward her. For endless moments, our bodies do not belong. I can't hug a friend in the body that housed the woman I love. Not yet. Not until she has her own body to be embraced.

I can see that Melanie doesn't know what I am to her. I don't know what she is for me either. Not yet. It hurts too much to look at her. I try to make my body and mind find their way to her, but I can't. I feel like she must have felt so many times, frustrated because at this point my body isn't mine. And neither is her body. How can I allow myself to have any feelings for Melanie right now? I don't hate her, she is part of Wanda. But she is also the reason why Wanda is not here anymore.

- Do you want to... go to her? – Melanie asks, as if in answer to that thought.

_Go to her? She is not here._

But then I think about that silver gleam ribbon. If someone opens a human being in search of his essence, would find nothing. This is something invisible. But all the magnificence, all that splendid being that is my Wanderer, is visible, it's beautiful, and it fits entirely in the palm of my hand. It would be a fascinating thing if it weren't so sad.

- She's with Doc – Melanie says as she turns and starts to walk slowly and silently through the southern tunnel. In a mechanical movement, I follow.

This is, however, a distance I _can_ win. Not like in my dream when my steps seemed to push me back. _She is still here_. Not as a body. Not as a woman. But impressive as that splendid and fragile being I need to protect.

Wanderer is a Soul without a body. My own flesh is a body without a soul. We need each other even more than I thought. That thought makes me go faster.

Melanie walks in silence, but something weighs on her shoulders until she lets me know what:

- I couldn't stop her.

I recall Jared's fierce fight so that Melanie could have her body back. I remember thinking that she would understand Wanda's importance for us and, therefore, perhaps even sacrifice herself. But I never really thought she didn't want her body back. I finally break my silence. My voice comes out as if I haven't spoken for days:

- Did you want to?

Came out as an accusation, but it wasn't. Or was it?

- Yes – she answers

I can't see her in the dark and I don't know her enough to realize if there was hesitation in her voice. I take a second to appreciate the white lie she tells me.

Was she being merciful to me or to herself? Maybe say "yes" was a way to accept more easily Wanda's sacrifice for her. Would it be possible to spend all this time sharing all your emotions, all your memories, all that you are with another being and not love this other self? Would it be possible to passively accept the disappearance of this being without feeling guilty?

- Why? – I finally ask.

- Because she… is my best friend.

That answer makes everything fit together and for a minute things stop being so confuse in those caves, where feelings are entangled and collide.

- I wondered about that.

She says nothing and keeps waiting for me to lead us through the labyrinths of thousands of things that are yet to say.

- I wondered if anyone who really knew her could not love her. You knew her every thought.

- Yes. I love her.

Obviously. As I thought, it was impossible not to love someone you knew so intimately. Especially someone like Wanda.

- But you must have wanted your body back?

- Not if it meant losing Wanda.

I'm not sure why, but it made me feel grateful. No, actually I _do_ know. Melanie loves Wanda as much as I do. In a different way, of course, but with the same intensity. It unites us, make us brother and sister in one purpose: to protect her no matter what. Now I was sure everything would work out. Nothing could bring us down. After all, that was tough chick.

- She's not leaving this planet.

- That was never her intention. - Melanie answers after a second trying to understand what I'd said.

Now it was me who didn't understand. What was her intention then?

- She was making that part up, so you all wouldn't argue with her. She wanted to stay here… She planned to, well, be buried here. With Walter and Wes.

Those words stopped me like there was a wall in front of me. The betrayal she was planning was a thousand times worse than I've imagined. Suicide. That word hit me like a punch in the face. Not going to live somewhere else. Not to go away to continue her life where there was no human emotions. She wasn't leaving it all behind to bravely start again. What she wanted was to die.

Melanie said something about how soon we would find a body for her or something, but I didn't care. Everything we'd just lived, everything she told me… Everything was just her way to say goodbye. I felt abandoned, used. For months I had been her protector, her nurse, her best friend, all she had need at the time it was needed. Wanda had sworn to love me forever, but forever would have ended the next day.

- How could she think of doing that to me?

An unfamiliar voice came from somewhere deep inside my throat. The voice of someone who was capable of hating. The voice of someone capable of anything. I was surprised to get to organize it in intelligible sounds. My desire was to be able to roar.

- No - Melanie answers softly, as if trying to calm a naughty child - It wasn't like that. She felt like she would be hurting you more if she stayed here… in this body.

_Nice excuse!_

- That's ridiculous. How could she want to die rather than leave?

Melanie was still talking with the spoiled child, calmly:

- She loves it here. She doesn't want to live anywhere else.

_Oh! So the solution she found was to kill herself! Really smart, little Wanda!_

- I never thought of her as such a quitter.

- She's not - Melanie raises her voice. She is angry with me now. Nothing more of that patience with the child who doesn't understand things. But she stops herself soon after, perhaps remembering how this situation was delicate. – Wanda… She thinks she's tired of being a parasite, but I think she was just plain tired. She was so worn out, Ian. More than she let anyone see. Losing Wes like that… It was a lot for her. She blamed herself …

- But she didn't have anything to do with…

- Try telling her that! - she says, losing patience again.

Like I wasn't always trying to say things to Wanderer. I stare at Melanie without actually seeing her in the dark. I know she doesn't see me, but I keep a challenging look. I am also angry with her. Well, not with her. But almost.

She takes a deep breath and her voice softens again:

- Then having to face the Seeker. It was tougher than you know. But more than any of that, loving you while… loving Jared. Loving Jamie and thinking he needed me more. Loving me. Feeling like she was hurting us all just by breathing. I don't think you can understand what that was like for her, because you're human. You can't imagine how she… she…

Melanie's voice failed and I could feel in that voice the pain she shared with Wanderer. Play the "you are human" card was a low blow, but also helped me to wake up. Countless times in the past few hours, I had put my mind in the passenger seat and let my emotions take the wheel. But having to deal with the emotions of Mel, brought me back to the command of myself:

- I think I know what you mean.

- So she really needed a break, but she got all… all melodramatic about it. And I thought I couldn't save her. I didn't know Jared was following us.

Jared. So he was the one who saved her. When my Wanderer needed me the most, it was Jared who was there for her. I can't help a twinge of jealousy, but I think what I really need to be is grateful. If it wasn't for him...

- Jared caught on, but I missed it.

- Jared's just overly cautious. Always. He goes overboard. Way, way overboard.

- But he was right.

- Yes. . - She sighs, showing to as relieved as I was -Paranoia comes in handy sometimes.

- Do you think she'll be angry with us when she wakes up?

- Wanda, angry? Please. - Mel snorts, we both feeling more relaxed now.

- Unhappy, then?

- She'll be fine - Mel completes without further explanation.

That wasn't enough for me. I mean, I understood what she was saying. She knew Wanda would be happy to stay on Earth knowing that settled us all. I knew that too. Mel might know her better than anyone, better than I would ever know, probably. But I had spent all those months trying to decipher her. And I was good with puzzles. However, I was naive enough to be fooled by someone who had only learned to lie and deceive recently. Apparently, I was not as keen as I'd thought.

- What you said before, about her loving you, and Jamie, and Jared… and me.

- Yes?

- Do you think she really does love me, or was she just responding to the fact that I love her? Wanting to make me happy? I'm only asking because I don't want to be a… a burden when she wakes up.

I don't want her to stay here suffering for Jared and staying by my side just to make me happy. I don't want her to be unhappy. I could not bear it. But I wanted her to stay on Earth more than anything. Depending on Mel's answer, I would have a new impasse in my hands. I was sure I couldn't bear another blow. I was feeling like my body had been under a steamroller. However, I needed to know.

Melanie didn't respond. Instead she wonders for a while. That was a bad sign.

- Don't worry about hurting my feelings. I want the truth.

To be honest, another white lie would do me good, but I couldn't afford it. And by now I had already realized that Mel is not one to take it easy when she needs to say things. If I had to be crushed by the truth, better not to leave even a little bit for tomorrow.

- It's not your feelings I'm worried about. – _See? Merciless! _- I'm just trying to think of the right way to describe it. I've been... not entirely human for the past year, so I get it, but I'm not sure you do.

- Try me - I said, bracing myself for the next blow.

- It's strong, Ian. The way she feels about you is something else. She loves this world, but so much of the reason she couldn't leave was really you. She thinks of you as her anchor. You gave her a reason to finally stay in one place after a lifetime of wandering.

The best declaration of Wanderer's love for me, at least the one that really made me feel safe and understand her feelings, had been made by Melanie. It was confusing, but I think I'd have to settle for this for now. It was more than enough.

- Then that's all right.

- Yes.

I knew now that I could completely rely on Melanie. She would know how to choose the body that would serve as home to Wanderer better than me. That would also be _my_ home, her new body. It meant too much to me so I ventured to err. Also, I couldn't not get away from her. I would be her home until she could be mine.

- Don't rush. – I say to Mel.

- What?

- When you go to find her a body. Take your time. Make sure you find one she'll be happy in. I can wait.

I could. For happiness I could wait.

We were already close to the hospital now, there was enough light for me to see her face. She seems disappointed, afraid to take the next step alone. But she was not alone. Jared would be with her all the time from now on. And I trusted him to do the right thing. I had to trust now.

- Won't you be coming with us?

- I don't really care about that part. You know what she needs. And I'd rather be here with her.

We finally enter the light. But for me it's more than that. I'm jumping headfirst in that light, in the certainty that we would be happy. I was seeing the depths of a clear and calm sea.

Jared is leaning over the cot, watching over Wanda. I do not feel jealous. I know only I can see how beautiful she is in her original form. A tiny silver angel. He walks away when he sees me, so I assume the post from there. I thank him for doing what I should have done. But maybe he knew I somehow did for Melanie what he should have done when Wanda was in her body. What he tells me is simple:

- I owe her.

Jared is a man of simple truths. He is someone you can trust, and I know he would not disappoint Melanie. Or Wanderer.

I sigh in relief. It's also a sigh of love. Of pain. All angst leaves my body when I hold the tank in my hands. That tank was my life and I won't ever let it go.


	6. Chapter 6 Wait

**Thank you guys for the nice rewies and the place between your favorites. Thank you, Karka for being my beta.**

Chapter 6 – Wait

The days that followed gave a new meaning to the word "wait". It was all I was doing now. My life was on hold. My body and my mind worked based on very simple commands:

Keep me alive.

Protect Wanda.

Wait.

I spent endless hours in Doc's hospital, as you do when you visit a loved one during a long hospitalization. The difference is that I went there because I wanted to. For several reasons.

Once I learned the most sordid details of Wanda's plans, I wanted to keep one eye glued to Doc. I didn't know if he would, all of a sudden, decide to keep his promise. I know it seemed kind of stupid to take Wanda to where he was, when what I wanted was to keep him away from her. But this way I could stay close to both.

I know, I know, I was paranoid. But if I had been paranoid before, I wouldn't have been so double crossed. I'd have realized what Wanda was plotting in that crazy little head of hers and made her change her mind. Of course it would have been as efficient as a boat in the desert because convincing Wanda of anything was almost more difficult than convincing myself. But still... I could have done what Jared did...

The fact remains that now that I knew everything, I wouldn't let anyone ever catch me off guard again and, although I believed Doc had given up on his promise, I would remain alert. Nobody else in the caves had the courage to try, even if they were willing to get involved. Everyone knew I would kill anyone with my own hands. After that, having to explain such things to the Peace and Love Little Soul would be hell! But I was willing to face it if I needed to.

Another reason I wanted to stay in the hospital was Kyle. He was still there beside Jodi while still holding Sunny's tank. Who would imagine such a thing! The O'Shea brothers, once strong, fearless troublemakers, were now two crazy fellas, each with his own canister. The twists the world gives!

But jokes aside, I was afraid that Kyle was really going crazy. I knew I, at least, wasn't far from it. At least we could support each other, keep each other sane, or, at the worst possible case, drive the other one definitely crazy. With Kyle and I one could never be sure.

Moreover, the real reason was that I had nowhere else to go. I couldn't work, since I wouldn't let go of Wanda's tank for anything (Jeb was being very patient about it), and spending all day locked in the bedroom was maddening. The last memory I had of Wanda was there. It was there that she got up to walk to what she believed to be her death. I thought it repeatedly and in different versions. In all of them, Wanda made some noise or movement that woke me up and I stopped her. The endless possibilities, thousands of "what ifs", were driving me crazy. So I spent most time in the hospital and only went to the bedroom when I could barely keep my eyes open. Sometimes not even then.

But it was easier that way. The hospital was always busy lately. There was a kind of constant wandering from Wanderer's friends: Lily, Heidi, Trudy, Geoffrey... Wandering to see Wanderer. Sounds funny! I was really going crazy, laughing at the unfunny joke!

The fact is that people came and, although I was not able to maintain a pleasant conversation with anyone, I liked to hear them talk. It was good to know how much they missed her. When she wakes up I know that she will be happy.

The first who came was Jamie, shortly after Jared told him, just that first morning, that Mel was back. They wanted him to come here first to learn that Wanda was safe before seeing his sister.

"Do you think she felt pain, Ian?" Jamie asked gently stroking the tank.

The mere idea that she had suffered made my whole body writhe in anguish. But I couldn't let the kid see my doubt.

"I don't know, Jamie. I hope not. It should not hurt much. Her species are used to it."

For a second, his face was inexpressive, but soon came the understanding:

"I had even forgotten how much she is different from us."

"No, Jamie, don't ever forget. Wanda is not like us. That's why we love her. She needs to know that."

"Can she hear us?"

"I don't think so. But I wish she could."

Shortly after Jamie left, already embraced with Mel and determined to help her get a body to their "other sister", Jeb burst through the entrance looking even crazier than usual. Without even talking to me he spoke to tank, absolutely furious:

"You need to hear something, young lady! What the heck were you thinking trying to fool everyone and wanting to kill yourself? Nobody does this shit here in my house! Don't dare to think you're special!"

"Jeb, she can't hear you" Doc said while he enjoyed the speech of his Nutty Buddy.

"All right, then. But when you come back, let's have a little chat. Now my niece speaks of nothing else other than get a host for you." He continued, as if what Doc said meant nothing. "And even the boy is on that. I can't let my whole family put themselves at risk every time you make some shit. One more tank and we'll make a garage sale! _Selling Souls in exchange for host!_" He screamed as if announcing a bargain at the fair.

It seems the collection we had here was not of tanks, but of freaks. Doc, Kyle and I couldn't hold on and broke into laughter at the same time. Jeb was also laughing soon after, removing the tension in the air. But before leaving, he told Doc over his shoulder:

"Hey, Doc, thanks for bringing back my niece. But if you try to get me fooled again, I'll forget you're my friend."

And he left.

Now that was a guy who knew how to cause an impression! Doc's face hardened immediately. He looked at me, his face full of shame and serious concern, and asked:

"I think you have something to say to me too, don't you?"

I returned his gaze serious, trying to mimic Jeb's poker face of and also hoping to sound just as menacing.

"All I have to say is that there won't be a next time, Doc."

"Fair enough. So for now that's how we stand?"

"Yes, for now that's how we stand."

I knew it wouldn't take me too long to forgive him. I knew very well the manipulative potential innocent Wanda had. But that didn't mean I couldn't let him suffer a little more. Besides, for now, I couldn't really trust Doc. It was only fair to let him know that.

He stared at me for a few seconds, his face paler than usual. Then slowly nodded, cleared his throat and went back to work, which at that time was to make Jodi swallow some water. And so, on shaky ground, we spent our days, Doc, Kyle and me. And also our constant visitors.

Melanie came every day while she was in the caves, almost hourly. She took the first three days to rest and readjust. Not willingly, I could see that she was bouncing off the walls wanting to go out in search of the "new Wanda", but because of Doc's recommendation and Jared's requirement, she had to stay.

They both were concerned about the excessive speed of her recovery, especially with the emotional aspect of her rehabilitation. It seems it had been extremely traumatic for her to be separated from Wanda. Kyle told me that when Mel woke up, she gave a lot of trouble believing Wanda was dead. He said she kneaded the ugly face of Jared and almost broke a rib on Doc. I wish I could have been there to see the scene. I had to admit it was hard not to like Melanie.

Lucky me, because she was now my number one fan. Of course, for months she'd been invisible to me, just a nuisance that keeping me away from Wanda, a wall between us. But I was a lot more for her. I protected them and took care of the two. Melanie was my friend for only a few hours. For me, our friendship had just begun. But for her, I've been her friend for much longer.

That's why she came all the time. She'd said she felt the need to be near Wanda, making sure she was okay. But I think she also came to see me, see if I was still whole, share with me her anguish as Wanda had become accustomed to do. Jared also thought that. You could see by the way he looked at me when Mel got excited during conversation and touched my arm. To be honest, I was finding it all very amusing. I had a large debt with Jared, but that didn't mean I couldn't enjoy him being jealous of me, just for a change.

Whenever Mel came to tell me and Wanda (oh, yes, she spoke to the tank!) about how she was being received by others or which were the preparations for the raid, Jared came along in tow, with a stalled car face and the posture of a watchdog. But to end my fun, it was only the first few times. Then he began to relax and we got to a mutual understanding that we would have to get used to the weird situation, that our two women loved us both. Jared would never part from Melanie. I will never part from Wanda. And never would our beloved girls part with each other. Result: we would have to put up with each other's presence. Jared could do these calculations as easily as I could, so he immediately began the effort to become my friend again. I accepted it easily. It was a way for us to ensure each other that what was between him and Wanda and between Melanie and I will never go further than friendship. Not that I wanted. Or him. Or them. But it couldn't hurt to prevent trouble by firming our ties.

Besides, as for me the priority was always Wanderer, Melanie's welfare was above all for him. And he knew that, at that moment, she needed to get a little closer to me. I also like being around her. It was like being able to speak a little with Wanda. We both knew her better than anyone, and being accomplices in that knowledge helped us cope with how much we missed Wanda. That's why it was so hard to let Mel go. It was more comfortable to spend hours imagining how it would be while I listened to Mel's plans than to face my fear when everything was in motion. By the time she left the desert, everything would be out of my hands and that got me terrified that everything would go wrong. Yearning for something too much can make it seems even more distant.

But we both knew it was time. The moment to make plans was over. Hope had to give way to action. So, on the morning of the fourth day, Mel, Jared and Jamie left with my fate in their hands.


	7. Chapter 7 Clarifying Things

_Chapter 7 - Clarifying Things_

"Hey, Ian, are you awake?" asked Kyle in that voice of his, impossibly high for a whisper.

"No, I'm not."

"Oh, amazing how even in this situation we're in, you know to be an ass!"

"You woke me up to attack me, is that it?"

"No. It's just that I had an idea and now I can't sleep."

"Happens, Kyle. I know you're not used to thinking, but there's no need to be worried, sooner or later your brain will get empty again. Now go to sleep and leave me alone!"

"You want to stop being stupid and listen to me? It's to do with our father."

I woke up instantly! Doc was snoring quietly in the farthest corner of the hospital. Kyle came closer to me to keep our voices down to avoid waking him.

"When Jodi wakes up and everything's okay with Wanda, we can pick up our father in Portland."

_Oh, crap!_

There were so many implications in that statement, so many things I needed to say to Kyle that would be extremely hard to say and hear ... I knew it had to be me saying them, but I was simply not ready to do this in the middle of the night! Kyle was balancing on the edge of madness and normality lately. Any push and he would fall on one side or the other. If Kyle's normality was already scary, just imagine if he went nuts!

I myself, on my own emotional cliff, was in no shape to dive into the turbulent emotions of my brother. On the other hand, I couldn't stand to hear Doc and Candy whispering in corners, not daring to say certain urgent things to Kyle. I knew Doc would end up calling Jeb to resolve the issue and it presented all the signs of a real catastrophe! There was no other way. I had to be strong and lead his stubborn ass to the light. In the dark. In whispers. In the middle of the night. That was my fault for being too lazy to go to my room. Lately, things had a strange habit of happening when I was not prepared for them.

"Kyle, how did you find Sunny in Vegas? Why did you decide to seek Jodi there?"

"Well, because Jodi's mother and stepfather lived there!"

"But Sunny has no ... family ties, so to speak, with the Souls who are in the body of Jodi's parents, does she?"

"Dammit, Ian! Why are you asking these stupid questions? This all has nothing to do with what I said."

"Answer my questions and I'll show you it has everything to do with it."

Kyle snorted. A sound so loud that Doc also snored louder from his corner. We sat in silence for a few minutes until we again hear the lower and more rhythmic sound from before.

"Okay, I'll bite this bait. Sunny went to Las Vegas because Jodi was very close to her mother. I knew this because Wanda came after Jared and Jamie."

"Right. And what was the reason for our father to come home every day when he was human?"

"What the hell do you mean, Ian? What kind of stupid question is that?"

"Just follow my lead, Kyle. Even that stubborn mind of yours will understand what I am saying."

"Our father came home because it was there where he lived with us, dammit!"

"And we've left that house more than six years ago. Why would he remain there without us?"

"Well..."

"We have no guarantees he is still there. This can be a risky venture and completely in vain. You've got everyone pissed with your trip to seek Jodi... Imagine if everyone decides to do this?"

"They don't do it because they don't have the guts. I have! What's wrong with you, anyway, huh, you idiot? Don't want our father back?"

"It's you who's being stupid! You think I haven't thought about it? But we have to be rational, Kyle. And prioritize the survival of all of us. Suppose we find him, that after all these years he is still in our house. And then we bring him here only to find out the Soul in his place has deleted him completely…"

"Nonsense. Melanie, Lacey, Candy, they all resisted."

_Well, now was the hardest part!_

"Yeah. Melanie and Lacey awoke immediately. With Candy it took several hours longer. With her it was a long shot. If she hadn't awakened, her body probably would have died soon. Would you dare to leave our father's body die?"

"No, of course not! Maybe I'd ask Doc to put the Soul back until we find a way."

"And who said he would want to stay here? Who could guarantee this Soul would be as friendly as Wanda or Sunny, or whether he would be our ruin?"

"It's hard to admit, but you may be right about that part."

_I may? Only about that part?_

"His body was taken long ago, Kyle. Six years ago, the same time as Jodi. It's too long to survive, especially with nothing to hold on to."

"Where are you going with this?"

_Oh, that part now would be really hard too!_

"It's been ten days and you are still trying to wake Jodi up..."

Kyle didn't immediately understand what I meant. For a few seconds he gave me a blank stare. Then, just as I didn't think it was possible, his face looked even more sad and I could almost hear something inside him breaking. I could see his helplessness expression slowly turn into a beast's. At that time, it was easier to "shoot the messenger" than to face the truth, and fists coming towards me let me know that this was exactly their mission: to relieve pain. His, not mine.

There was only time for one instinctive move, which was to hug Wanda's tank, wrapping myself around it like a cocoon. I closed eyes closed waiting for the blow, but it didn't come. What came instead was the metallic sound of something against the floor.

I squeezed Wanda stronger against my chest, making sure the tank was still there. Even before I opened his eyes, I heard the cry of my brother:

"Sunny! Oh, shit!"

The moment Kyle jumped to attack me, he bumped into the cot where he'd deposited Sunny for just a minute while we talked. Again, she had suffered for him, once again she had brought him to reason.

"Damn it, Kyle! What the hell did you do?" Doc yelled, waking up and coming our way.

"Oh, my God, I'm sorry, Sunny! Shit, Doc, I don't know where my head was. Help me out here, please!"

Doc came with a flashlight. The light struck first on Kyle's face and he was the picture of fright. Then the flashlight focused on the tank and the three of us hold our breaths.

"Apparently it didn't open. No, it's not opened. It's everything okay, I suppose." Doc said, triggering a chain of relief among us. I could feel my muscles relax a little bit of that impossible tightness they were.

Kyle threw himself to the ground and carefully picked Sunny's tank. Doc watched everything with a really angry expression on his face and then he held out his arms to Sunny:

"I don't think I should let you hold that tank anymore, Kyle."

Kyle's arms closed around the tank. His eyes begged for mercy, but not to Doc, to Sunny.

"It was just an accident, Doc. It won't happen again. I promised her she would be fine."

"Yes, but you almost killed her! What is it, anyway? Why is Ian curled around Wanda? And why we're both, in the middle of the night, fighting for Sunny's tank?"

"Doc," Kyle sighed heavily "I got some things I want you to explain to me…"


	8. Chapter 8 Decision

**Hi, folks. Same setback from the previous chapter, which is, I'm having trouble to get in touch with my beta. So I apologize for any translation mistakes and, as soon as I have the version edited by her, I'll replace this one.**

**Thanks to all of you who are now following this story or marked it as a favorite.**

**To know the story I created for Ian and Kyle parents, please take a look at The Host - After the Rain.**

**And to see Sunny's awake by her own POV, check The Host - Sunlight Passing Through the Ice.**

_Chapter 8 – Decision_

"It's hard to say, Kyle. Each body reacts differently."

"And how is Jodi's body reacting, then?"

Doc was struggling painfully with the job of explaining to Kyle that Jodi's body was in danger. When it became clear that she would not wake up on the first day, he and Candy strove to keep it hydrated. Lily, Heidi and Trudy were also helping and they all took turns to make her drink something, always hourly. While one person hold her sat, so that the gravity do its part, the other put water in small amounts in her throat through an improvised small tube. At night, Doc and Kyle were up a few times to do this task. Even I had helped.

Moreover, our entire stock of milk and juice had been brought here, to try to give her some sort of feeding. That part was more difficult. Her throat didn't always accept the thicker fluid. It had to be put in the tube in minimal amounts each time to keep her from choking.

The women were responsible for her hygiene and Doc was telling Kyle that they noticed her clothes were always very clean in the last days. Even in that heat, she was not sweating. And the other functions were increasingly scarce. Her body was hardly eliminating any liquid. That was a bad sign!

"There are a lot of factors involved" Doc explained "Her metabolism is very important. I'm wondering, by the time she's hanging on, she didn't have the habit of eating all the time, did she?"

"No, she ate well, but not all the time, no."

"That's good, it means that her metabolism is slower at burning energy and she doesn't need to feed so frequently. However, she is a small woman, doesn't have much fat to burn. We don't have a scale, but the weight loss is visible."

"But you are giving things to her! I mean, she's being fed."

"It's not enough. In the warm weather we have here, the body dehydrates faster and almost all the liquid she consumes is to avoid that."

"What if those saline solution for her? I can leave in a raid and come back really fast."

"Candy told me that the Souls have a medication called Nourish, it would be helpful. But how would you get it? There's no soul to get it for you. The moment you enter their hospital, we would all be in danger."

"How long can she hold on? Can we wait for Wanda?"

"These things are unpredictable. She can stay alive for many days yet. Or can not get to tomorrow... There's no way to be sure."

A shiver ran through Kyle. He didn't cry often, but I could detect tears in his voice, even if he looked away so I couldn't see his eyes. I tried not to meddle nor impose my presence. I had done my part and that had been enough for him to be quite upset with me. Doc, however, continued making his. As a doctor, he had to think about the patient. It had been too foolish from his part to take Kyle's feelings into consideration for too long. He put his hand on Kyle's shoulder and questioned something we've all had thought about, but no one could answer:

"I am a man of science. This part is too metaphysical for me. But I've been wondering ... If Sunny is no longer here and maybe Jodi isn't too, how can a body survive being… empty? I don't know for whose life I am fighting here."

We were all silent. There was nothing to say about such a delicate subject. But Kyle had a lot to think about. And that was what he was doing when Doc broke the silence:

"Let's do this way, Kyle. Jodi is stable. I'm sure she'll be fine until morning. You need time to think and I need to sleep. Also, I will need Candy's for the surgery, if that's what you decide. But Kyle, honestly, I don't see another option.

Doc retired quietly to his corner and I to mine. Soon, I could hear a quiet snoring again. Along with this sound, there was another. One that I had only heard in the nights that followed the death of my mother.

...

When morning came, Kyle was determined. I knew he had not slept the rest of the night because I didn't have too. I wish I could, but I couldn't make myself leave him and go to my room, I didn't dared move, to tell you the truth. I just lied on my side, staring at the wall, trying to give him some privacy.

I knew he was suffering, but when Doc woke up, Kyle put his ogre face and declared:

"Let's bring Sunny back."

Candy arrived shortly after and Trudy also came around to help when Sunny woke up. I stood aside, trying not to hinder. One O'Shea with frayed nerves stalking every move Doc made was enough.

When the body was ready, Candy opened the cryotank and Sunny was removed from it. She looked at the silver ribbon and shivered. One of them had been inside of her body and, of course, her experience wasn't anything good. I was trying not to pry, but I couldn't resist. I thought Sunny needed a little more respect:

"Look at her, Kyle. See how beautiful she is!"

"Yes, she is really beautiful."

Then he took her from Candy's hands and went to Doc, looking amazed by her life spreading itself inside the body that he loved.

Once the cut was closed and they straightened the body, the face started to gain life. Sunny's eyes began to move from side to side beneath the eyelids, but she didn't open them.

"Doc, I think she woke up, but she doesn't open her eyes" Kyle said worried.

"Calm down, it takes a while for her to return to full consciousness. Besides, she is very weak."

A few minutes passed before she opened her eyes and smiled. She tried to move but couldn't.

"Are you okay?" Kyle asked.

Sunny tried to answer, but her throat was so dry that the effort triggered a coughing fit.

"Easy now" said Doc "Kyle, help her sit. The cough will go away faster. Trudy, bring some water."

"Kyle put an arm around her and pulled her up. The coughing stopped for a few seconds and Trudy brought her some water. She drank bit by bit at the beginning, then the whole bottle. Yet, her voice was rough:

"What is happening?"

Kyle explained everything to her. The poor thing didn't even know she'd already left and been away for so long. I wondered how it feels to go back and find your body so fragile. I just hoped the body Mel chose for Wanda didn't have to go through so much suffering.

Maybe Kyle was the only one who didn't realize how much his face was full of sadness. There was not the welcome Sunny deserved. Her face darkened as well, in a very particular expression I had never seen on Jodi's face.

"I'll keep trying. I'll keep looking for her, trying to hear her voice inside of me."

_Oh, man! This is so damn hard to watch._

Kyle smiled and stroked her face with his free hand.

"I'm hungry" Sunny said, to anyone's surprise.

Kyle tried to help her feed with a thin soup Trudy had made, but it had all been too much for him. Doc realized he needed a break and made up an excuse that sounded plausible to everyone, including Kyle.

"Oh, no, Kyle. You didn't sleep for many hours and need some rest. Moreover, as soon Sunny feels better, Trudy will take her to walk a little bit and clean up the bathing room. She needs to move her muscles a bit. You can go" he insisted when Kyle didn't move, "she will be fine and will need you to be strong enough to help her."

"Alright then. You'll be fine, Sunny" Kyle said before leaving.

Bless Doc! At that time I've had already forgiven him. How could I not? I smiled at him and nodded slowly as he looked at me, so he knew everything was all right again between us.

Kyle also had forgiven me. Before leaving, he ruffled my hair repeating what in our siblings language, meant that everything would be fine. I looked at him in a way that made him know that I shared his pain.

I spent the rest of the day watching the care everyone was taking with Sunny: feeding her slowly and with the moderation necessary to her upset stomach, helping her move her numb muscles gradually… Lily and Heidi came every morning to make a kind of physical therapy on her, so it was not so difficult. Doc said something like that used to be done in hospitals with coma patients.

I watched everything and tried to learn as much as possible, fearful that such care had to be repeated with Wanda.

A day has passed and Kyle didn't show up. Sunny was busy with everything her body was having to endure, but I saw her restless eyes. They were sweet as Wanda's, and I found myself sympathizing with her immediately. When night came, Jeb and Trudy took Sunny out. Doc followed them to make sure that everything would be fine.

I was alone and lost in my thoughts when a familiar voice was projected through the hall.

Mel!

I didn't have time to feel anything before Jared erupted through the door carrying a small body in his arms.


	9. Chapter 9 Little Sun

**This chapter had no beta reader, so if you could please help me out here, send me a message if you notice anything misspelled or weird. Thank you all for reading. Hope you like it.**

_Chapter 9 – Little Sun_

"Are you sure she's okay? She looks so..." It was hard to find the right word, that little girl looked like she could break at any moment.

"She looks frail, doesn't she? That was my part in the choice." Jared replied with his usual air of arrogance.

"What?" I asked trying to temper the aggressiveness that could escape through my voice. I knew I had no right to question the choice. I had abdicated this prerogative. But what did he mean by that, anyway?

"We've watched her for days." Mel explained. "And each of us thought she fulfilled a requisite that we thought essential. I wish she was young, so the chances that there could be traces of the original host were minimal."

"She looks very young..."

"Yes," Mel stopped me, and then continued her line of thought, "but not a child."

When she said that, she winked at me. I understood what she meant by that wink, but just didn't know what to do with that information. I mean, this one was just a little girl.

Jared seemed to notice my embarrassment and resumed the talk, explaining to me what was the requirement she had filled for him:

"She looks extremely innocent, defenseless. When we get out in a raid, that face will not run any danger."

That was it. I could already see myself wanting to make a bubble to put her inside. Yeah, I think there wouldn't be any raids for this one, at least any time soon. Not if it was up to me.

"She looks like an angel, right, Ian?" Asked Jamie. "I wanted her to look like Wanda's personality. I wanted her to be as beautiful as what I see. What do you think?"

Jamie was right. That little angel, so fragile, but with powerful charms, seemed to be have been made to house my Wanderer. I found myself smiling at her, unable to take my eyes off her tiny face.

Mel patted her face, seeming already wedded to her new sister. Then, seeing my smile, she said:

"She's okay. She's just too doped. We prefered not to scare her. Furthermore, we didn't want to risk cling to Pet."

"Pet?"

"Petals Open to the Moon. That's her name."

_A flower! Of course! Everything about her looks like a flower._

"You know Wanda will loathe to take her place, don't you?"

"We'll cross that bridge when we get there." Mel replied, pragmatic as Wanda never seemed to be able to. "Let's take good care of Pet and soon she will return to the planet of the Night Flowers. Wanda won't be able to accuse us of anything."

"I know, but..."

"Well, I don't care if she'll get mad. She will have to get over it. Hey, we've just arrived and came straight. We gotta call Doc and take care of some stuff we bought. Do you mind staying here with her?

"No, of course not!" I said right away, holding one little hand that fitted entirely in my palm. "Hey, Mel?"

"Yes?"

"Thank you. The three of you."

"Okay." Jamie replied.

Jared nodded and Mel smiled before they three went through the door, leaving me alone again.

I watched the little girl. Not quite a _little_ girl, she was not a child. Only she seemed extremely young. I didn't know how to feel about that body. Yes, she was beautiful, but it was necessary to get used to the fact that I would have to look through it to recognize my love. A love that was born dedicated to another body.

I didn't want to make comparisons, because I knew Wanda could be hurt about it. Besides, now that Mel was my friend, I was looking at her with a new kind of respect. But it was all very strange and surreal to me. I thought at least by way of recognition, I could allow myself, just this once, to do a little "inventory" of the differences that existed between the two incarnations of Wanderer in my life.

Melanie had strong features, dark skin and wild eyes. On that face, Wanda's sweet expressions usually created a beautiful and impossible contrast. They were like fire at sea. This face was rounded, with delicate lines. A small mouth, probably constantly curved in innocently provocative smiles. Big eyes... What color? It doesn't matter. I could already see them filling up with the sweetness of Wanderer when they opened. I wanted to imagine them opening up to me with a silvery sheen to the bottom of their color, whatever it was.

The skin was fair with freckles around the nose and a natural blush that was almost like the smell of the sun on her face, a color that matched the feel. When I touched her, I felt my hand blend to that texture, as if that soft skin were allowing me to touch it and that was, by itself, a caress dedicated to me. She really was like a flower, a white rose.

Mel is tall and has a strong body with powerful and well delineated muscles. This girl does not. Her delicate silhouette and rounded shapes was the opposite. It was also a beautiful body, but in a different way. Mel has the beauty of an athlete. The new body of Wanda was like a painting, with sinuous lines and delicate colors. She was tiny, but curvy. I was trying not to think about it, but it was almost impossible not to imagine my hands exploring those untouched contours, landing on the sharp curve of her waist.

Definitely, Jamie was right. This girl was the perfect human form for my tiny silver angel. I could already imagine that body moving in that slow and rhythmic dance Wanderer moves. And the delicate face animated by the infinite expressions of her emotions.

Mel was stunning in her own way, you could not escape from looking at her a second time. But with this girl here, the first time was eternal. One look and you can't escape her. She seemed to have her own light, the kind of woman that unconsciously demanded unconditional attention and blinded you to other things. It was like a small sun and the solar colors were spread over long curly hair that framed her face.

Yes, I could fall in love with her.

**If any of you read in portuguese, please take a look at A Hospedeira - Coração Deserto. It's my vision abou what happens next The Host events. If you do take a look, don't be mad at me, because Wanda and Ian will suffer, but you should trust my love for them. They will be fine soon. Just give Logan and Estrela a chance.**


	10. Chapter 10 Shadows

For six days my little sun couldn't shine over me.

A few minutes after Pet was brought to the caves, I was smiling from ear to ear at the prospect that soon I would see Wanda again. I was still alone with her in the hospital when Mel came back and she immediately mirrored my smile. Right behind her came Doc and Jeb, who talked excitedly about the new arrival.

"So this is going to be the new face of our friend?" Asked Jeb excited. "Well, Melanie, I have to admit you did a great job! When Wanda wakes up with this little face, nothing will be impossible for her!"

"It's too early to think about raids, Jeb. We are well stocked and Wanda will need time to readjust." I said, trying to gain as much time as I could until I'd have break the bubble that I was creating around her.

"Yes, yes, of course. Speaking of which ... Doc, how long do you recommend waiting?"

I was praying that Doc would say something like "After returning, Wanda will need six months to rest ..." when this answer came:

"Given what happened to Jodi, we shouldn't wait too long. A few days will be enough..."

"Wait? A few days? For what?" I asked, already suspicious that that I'd hate the answer.

The smile disappeared from Mel's face with the same ease with which it was born. It looked like a scene viewed in reverse.

"Oh, bugger!" She complained.

"Mel? What's this?"

"Oh, Ian, I'm sorry. I thought I'd made it clear that part for you. Wanda doesn't want to be a parasite. We need to give the new host time wake up, if she's still here."

"Okay What if she wakes up? And then, what do we do? Go after another body?"

"If that's what it takes. Until we get a body that is exclusively Wanda's."

"Honestly, I see your mouth moving and all I can hear is '_bla, bla, bla ... we will drop one more bomb on Ian's head ... bla, bla, bla ... We will exchange the body of his girlfriend as one changes clothes!'_ "

"Oh, come on, Ian! You're acting like a child! It seems like I'm talking to Jamie. No, wait a minute. Jamie wouldn't be so immature! You know very well that Wanda couldn't bear to feel that she suppressed another host. That was why she didn't want to stay here in the first place! I think we can wait a bit to ensure that doesn't happen.

"Don't you come with that, Mel. Jodi's body almost died!"

"That's exactly what I'm saying, Ian." Interrupted Doc. "That's why we'll wait less time. We won't take risks like we did with Jodi. That was my irresponsibility!"

"You bet it was, Doc! And I won't let you do it again!"

"I gave my word to Wanda once and I've failed. I won't let you stop me to ensure the will of my friend again, all because of your romantic instability!"

Even Melanie who, at that time, was about to hand over the post of president of my fan club to anyone who cared more about me than with a banana peel, glared at him him indignantly. She grabbed my wrist as if to ask me to calm down and gave Doc an earful.

"Romantic instability? Doc! That's lack of consideration!"

"Consideration for all of you is what brought me to this crossroads, to begin with!"

Jeb watched everything with his usual poker face, but when he saw that things were really heating up, he had to leave his comfortable position of voyeur to intervene.

"Calm down, you three! Behave! You are all on the edge, and with good reason. But we're all on the same side here. We all want the best for Wanda and we can't leave our reasons and our wills to excel hers. And that's what you're doing, Ian!"

"But, Jeb!"

"But nothing! We'll take good care of the body. And if Doc, or any of us, thinks she is getting too weak, we'll insert Wanda immediately. But we need to give a chance to this girl. Think about it, Ian. Her chances are slim. We can not take the few she has!

"Sunny was very weak when she woke up." I said, in a last weak effort not to give the argument away. But, at that moment, I knew it was my anxiety talking. Deep down, I had already understood that they were right.

"She woke up weak, but within hours she was already walking around like the new queen alien in town! She's fine, Ian. And so will this girl here. We will watch her closely. You're already practically living in the hospital. What difference does it make a few more days?" Jeb asked in a way that looked like the answer was ready in the question.

I didn't answer, but Mel, whose anger had passed, kept her hand on my arm and put the other on my shoulder. She looked me in the face, that intimate contact between us still uncomfortably familiar, and made a motion with her head that looked like a question. I exhaled hard, letting go all the air I didn't even know I'd been holding, then looked at her and put my head down, defeated.

"All right, then. Doc, prepare the girl. I'll want to watch this. And those who want to stay here will also have to behave. You need us to call someone for help?

"No. I think Mel knows what to do, don't you?"

"I know. And Ian can also help. Will you?" Mel asked weakly elbowing me in the ribs and trying to make me change my defeated expression.

"Yes, I can help you. With this part I always agreed." I said still insisting on my bad mood.

When Pet was removed, Mel held her carefully in her hands as I held the tank where she would be placed. We both looked at her fondly.

"Thank you." Mel said.

"Yes. You don't know what you're doing for us, but we will always be grateful anyway. May you live many and long lives in peace!"

We closed the tank and placed it carefully separated from the others. Wanda would want to see her when she wakes up, we were sure.

Doc closed the cut and lay the body again in a position where we could see her face. While she was asleep before, there was life in that face. Now, it was as if the clouds had darkened the little sun. Her pretty face was completely lifeless and the delicate body lay awkwardly on the cot.

"Now all we can do is wait and take care of her" said Doc

And I prepared for the next days of shadows.

**Let me know what you think. Thanks for reading.**


	11. Chapter 11 Intense and Confused

_Chapter 11 - Intense and Confused _

And that's how I added one more item to my routine without Wanda: keep myself alive, protect the tank, wait and ... Take care of my Little Sun. So I called her, since I didn't know her name and she was no longer Pet neither was Wanda yet. Would her eyes open to bring back the consciousness of an innocent child in the body of a teenager? Talk about complications!

"Tracy? You look a Tracy." Mel said, again trying to wake her.

We both devoted ourselves entirely to this task. Also, all Wanda's friends were helping to keep the body healthy and hydrated. We even had a scale. And all the care that had been taken with the Jodi's body were being repeated with Sun.

"Pamela, then? Pam? Are you there?" Mel insisted, repeating the efforts Wanda made with Candy. "Do you remember Pet? Miss her? She's fine, but now you are free and you can wake up. Open your eyes if you're there..."

"It's useless, Mel. All this is useless. We're just putting Sun's body at risk."

"Sun?"

"Yes, that's how I call her" I answered a little embarrassed.

"Why?"

"Because she is... luminous."

Mel looked at me with an expression at once tender and curious:

"You already like her, don't you? You can already see Wanda in her."

"From the beginning."

"But she is so different! I mean, from me. You fell in love with Wanda when she had my appearance" Mel said, with an expression on her face that could only be...

"Jealousy, Miss. Stryder? Are you jealous? Of me?"

"Oh, don't be silly, Ian! You know I love Jared. Indeed, if he were here, he would be furious with you for saying that."

"No, Mel. He would be furious with you! Because you are j-e-a-l-o-u-s of me!" I teased her, spelling the word that irritated her so much.

"You are particularly irrational today!"

"And you're particularly human today, so we're even!"

Mel ended up laughing at the silly argument we were having and that disarmed her.

"Be aware of one thing: if you talk about this to Jared or Wanda or whoever, I'll flay you alive, you know? But I think I was bit of jealous, yes. You turned out to be very important to me, actually."

I wanted to say "you would not have the courage to flay my beautiful leather", but her sincerity dismantled my joke. Suddenly, the conversation became too intense to be diverted with banter. One of the things that has always helped me with women was to know when that time came.

"Yeah, I know. You are important to me too. Weird, hah?"

"Yes, very weird. When I woke up after Wanda has left us, I missed you. And I was too afraid that you hated me."

"I never hated you. Not for a second. But I didn't know how to feel about you. Actually, I still don't. I just like it when you're near me."

"I feel that way too", she admitted.

Mel was completely vulnerable at this point. And so was I. But we were really needing to organize our feelings for each other. She hesitated a bit, but after a few seconds asked:

"Are you jealous of Jared?"

I didn't answer right away because I didn't know what to say. I wondered how I felt when I saw Jared touching her body. I had been so busy with all sorts of confusing feelings lately, that I've had not had time to focus on something so simple.

"No. On second thought, I think I'm not."

"That's good." Mel replied, half disappointed, but quite relieved. "I don't think I would be jealous of you with Wanda. I mean, I felt a little jealous when you said you find Sun beautiful, but I guess that's because she is not Wanda yet.

"That's good." I said too, also mirroring the mixed expression on her face. "So I guess we're friends, right? Sometimes we feel jealous of friends. I suppose."

"Right. I think so. We will never understand exactly what happens between us, for what it looks like. It is all too intense and confusing.

"You bet! 'Intense and confused' is my middle name lately."

"Ian Intense and Confused O'Shea? No... It is not pretty, no. Maybe if you hyphenate?" Mel joked, relaxing a little bit.

We laughed, but there was still a loose end in this conversation.

"You know Wanda's feelings for Jared are also intense and confusing, don't you? I'm afraid of what might happen when she wakes up." I said, admitting it out loud for the first time.

"Well, I'm not afraid. I know Wanda better than anyone and I know she loves you. But the feelings she has for him bother me enough. Maybe in another body they disappear?"

"At least you know Jared only loves you. He never felt anything for Wanda.

"Yes, I know that he loves me. But if you were there in her last minute perhaps you'd reconsider _never_."

"What do you mean?" I asked already feeling my face redden with anger. Will there ever be a single day I won't feel enraged by Jared?

"He was very ... _touched_ by what she was doing to set me free. Their farewell was ... intense ... and ... confusing. You don't need to know how much."

"Oh, don't you dare do this to me. Finish what you started!"

"They kissed. Ready. I said it."

-"I'll break your boyfriend's neck! How could they? She is lucky to be in this tank!" I extolled, leaving the tank aside for a moment.

"See? Best friends, I think. Glad you're here to share that anger with me."

"Aaahhh!" I yelled, kicking an empty tank that landed on the other side of the hospital. And it feels great that you don't cowers when I'm angry!"

Mel laughed at my fury that had no where to be addressed:

"You can always count on me to be angry with others!" She said, still laughing and kicking an empty tank herself.

We laughed some more, but not like we were really thinking something funny. In fact, we were mad. When we calmed down and we sat side by side on the cot next to Sun's, Melanie continued:

"But seriously now, Jared doesn't know I was present at that time, but I was. I just didn't interfere nor said anything to him after I woke up, because he did the right thing. As bad as it has been for me, Wanda really needed it. She was so frightened, Ian. You have no idea!"

"_I_ could have comforted her!"

"No you could not, Ian. You know damn well it's your jealousy talking. You would never have allowed her to do what she did. So you wouldn't be able to comfort her or to be her accomplice in that moment."

"Yeah, you're right. But you know what? Despite all the pain that her actions caused me, right now I'm glad she did not hear me. Because of that, now I have you. I just wish I could bring her back soon."

Mel grabbed my hand, the strange gesture, and yet so familiar, was nothing uncomfortable this time:

"Me too. All this waiting is killing me!"

"You too?"

"Yes."

"And what if she wakes up and is still in love with Jared?"

"It won't happen. Believe me. She loves you, I know. It's one of the reasons why I like you so much."

"Right. I'll believe you. You know, Melanie? I never confessed to anyone when I felt insecure about something. It's cool that I'm not ashamed to do this to you."

"It is. I'm not the type who likes to talk about feelings either. It's been so many years since I had friends. I don't even remember what it was like anymore.

"Neither do I. Anyway, I never had a friend to talk about this kind of things."

"Well, now you have" she said, stroking my hand still clinging to hers.

"Then I'll confess one more thing."

"What? Don't overstep!" Mel joked.

"No, no. Easy, girl, sensitivity time is about to end. It's just that, even if Wanda chooses Jared, I still would want to bring her back. I don't want Sun to wake. It's a horrible thing to say, but I hope she's been suppressed."

"Me too, Ian. I'd want her back anyway. And I am ashamed of not wanting Sun to wake. But we have to keep trying."

"I know. So let's try a little more."

Then we both got up and went terribly unwilling to take care of our mission.


	12. Chapter 12 Universe

**Sorry it took me longer this time, but because of the original dialogues I chose to maintain I had a lot more work. Hope you like it.**

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_Chapter 12 - Universe_

Sun did not wake up. The small sun had set long ago, probably shortly after birth, and I felt bad because there was no one in this world to mourn her. Maybe in another world, she was living happily with her mother, also taken away from this one. At least, I like to think so. I don't think much about these things. The way our world is now, there's no room to wonder what would be our place after... But I did like to think there could be an "after".

I pushed away those thoughts, however, because they were too complex for a moment when everything was simple: Wanda was coming back. In very little time I would see her again. I could only breathe in the atmosphere around her, waiting for the moment when we would disappear into each other. I felt like I've been trapped underwater and could finally go to the surface to breathe.

We took care of Sun incessantly, but this small body hasn't come to life. Mel and I talked to her every day, almost all the time, talking nonsense, trying to remember things that would make a teenager laugh, or that would interest a child. We tried to conjure up what little we knew of Pet. We talked about ourselves when there was no other subject. We invented stories for her. And nothing.

Nothing worked. Sun hasn't moved a muscle spontaneously. Not a slight tremor of the eyelids while her beautiful face was a bit less rounded, her skin a little less firm, her curves slightly less sinuous. Nothing. Finally, Doc and Candy decided that we should no longer harm her health. Wanda should bring life, soul and food for the small body of Sun can shine again.

And then, when the decision was finally taken and sanctioned by all those who had voice and something to say about it, we'd gathered here, crowding the small hospital with all the love we had for her. All the love there was in the caves for my Wanderer, painting the walls of her home, the one she chose for herself when she became my home. It was for her that I breathe. It was for her and in her that I'd live. And under the shadow of my love, she could protect herself, to anchor when the winds blew at sea. This love contained everything I was and beyond, anything I would be.

When her new body was ready, I held my silver angel in my hands. The strange contact of that texture, the unprecedented brightness, the real beauty of Wanderer... She was beautiful! Everything I loved, thousands of years lived in the stars making her the most perfect human that could be, everything she was fitting in the palm of my hand. Every day she lived and all those we would live fitting in the small silver body that I held with the utmost care.

"Welcome back!" I said when Doc placed her over Sun nape.

There was a false vulnerability in the silver body of Wanderer. She looked so fragile, but she clung to life while voraciously spread and took possession of her new body. A body that would be hers alone now. And mine.

Wanda was amalgamated to Sun now. They were one and I finally had a face to love. No more the face I admired, but whose eyes I secretly hoped wouldn't open. Now I want them to open, I wanted to them staring at me. The eyelids if my Solar Wanderer fluttered and I shivered with them. She was waking up.

"Wanda? Can you hear me, Wanda?" Doc asked, without getting any reaction.

"Wanda. Come back. We aren't letting you go." Mel said nervously, fearing and longing almost as much as I was.

I looked at Mel, relieved to finally see the face of my friend, because the woman I loved had a face now, one that was only hers. A pretty face who gained more life every second, overloaded with micro-expressions.

Candy suggested we use the Awake, so it was sprayed on Wanda's face, but still she didn't wake up, although she seemed more alert. Strangely, I had no hurry. I wanted her awakening to be gentle, calm, and she could take as long as she needed for that. I felt as peaceful as someone who waits for the inevitable.

"Wanderer? We're all waiting for you, honey. Open your eyes." I whispered as my fingers lightly touched her face. I realized that I could finally kiss her and so I did, allowing her new mouth to know the texture of my lips. I kissed her eyes so she could recognize me through them, as much as I'd recognize her presence there when she finally opened them. Her little fingers trembled, and seconds later, her eyelids flickered.

"She's waking up!" Jamie crowed.

Her beautiful silver eyes reacted, opening up suddenly, looking at Jeb, who was opposite to me. He smiled at her, but she didn't seem to recognize him, as her new eyes adjusted to the light. I wanted to see her, wanted her to look at me, then I touched her face:

"Wanderer?"

The movement seemed painful, misfit, but she turned to me with eyes beautiful as I imagined: gray with greenish reflections. And the silver that was the brilliance of my Wanderer was there too. The silvery background that I first learned to fear, hate and then, finally, love when it was in her eyes. These eyes now would be the eyes in which I'd dive for the rest of my life.

"Ian? Ian, where am I? Who am I?" she spoke for the first time. The melodious and delicate voice of a girl with the unmistakable firmness of a woman.

She seemed to recognize me first than anyone, My heart skipped a beat. She didn't know where she was, didn't even know who she was, but she knew my name and it was me she appealed for help.

"You're you," _Unmistakable. Unique._ "And you're right where you belong." _With me. Forever._

Her small hand let go of mine. She held it out in front of her eyes, liking shocked with the gesture itself, analyzing the hand, seeming to recognize it. A flash of understanding crossed her face after a few seconds. As Mel and I we had predicted, the recognition of the absence of Pet startled her:

"Where is she? Where is Pet?" Wanda pleaded with her new voice several tones higher than before.

"She's right here," Doc assured her. "Tanked and ready to go. We thought you could tell us the best place to send her."

Wanda's neck turned again, the movement seeming a little less awkward now, but her face clouded, filled with sorrow. And I wanted to be able to pick her up and hug her so tight that it'd take off our air. But she had her unresolved issues to deal with first. My longings had to stay in the background.

"Doc!" Wanda exclaimed, almost in a whisper. "Doc, you promised! You gave me your oath, Eustace! Why? Why did you break your word?"

_Eustace! Seriously!? My goodness, having his ass literally kicked every day would be less painful than having to go to school being named Eustace! Focus, Ian! Alien girlfriend newly awakened suffering! Focus!_

"Even an honest man sometimes caves to duress, Wanda." Doc explained himself, referring to the "subtle" methods of Jared, who immediately mocked the choice of words. "I'd say a knife to the throat counts as duress, Jared."

"You knew I wouldn't really use it."

"That I did not. You were quite persuasive."

"A knife?" Wanda trembled, her tiny voice sounding just a little louder than a hiss.

By now, I have managed to forget how strong were Wanda's reactions to the violence of humans. She was still extremely delicate. That had not changed.

"Shh, it's all okay," I murmured near her ear.

My breath blew strands of hair over her face and she brushed them away. An involuntary gesture, perfectly natural. A gesture of Pet. What else would there be from her?

I looked at Mel and saw her squinting in a familiar gesture, a gesture that I loved and that had never been Wanda's. I had to relearn a lot about my Wanderer now.

Suddenly, I realized I did not care. I would learn to love the gestures, mannerisms, quirks, faults, whatever was Pet's, now that it all belonged to Wanda. All that mattered was that she was here.

"Did you really think you could leave us that way? Wanda!" I sighed, able to breathe again. I felt like it's been a long time since I could do this well.

"I told you I didn't want to be a parasite," she whispered almost apologetically.

"Let me through," ordered, much to my rescue. "Listen up, Wanda. I know exactly what you don't want to be. But we're human, and we're selfish, and we don't always do the right thing. We aren't going to let you go. Deal with it."

You can always count on Mel's incisiveness to make things clear for my complicated little soul!

"Mel? Mel, you're okay!" said Wanda, startled by the belated recognition.

"Of course I am," Mel hugged her. "Wasn't that the point of all the drama? And you're going to be fine, too. We weren't stupid about it. We didn't just grab the first body we saw."

"Let me tell her, let me!" Jamie shoved in beside Mel.

"Jamie!"

"Hey, Wanda! This is cool, isn't it? You're smaller than me now!" teased Jamie, playful.

"But still older," Wanda reacted, sounding worried. "I'm almost... My birthday is in two weeks. I'll be eighteen."

Mel and I looked at each other surprised. We haven't thought that body to be more than 15 or 16 years old. It was a relief to realize our mistake!

Jamie continued telling Wanda over the raid and the reasons for choosing Pet. I could never deny that the kid had done an excellent job. When he told Wanderer that I had not cared what her appearance and had remained here without letting anyone touch her, her large gray eyes were brighter. So I bent down and whispered through her sun bright hair something she needed to know. Something that summarized everything I felt for her when there wasn't a body to love:

"I held you in my hand, Wanderer. And you were so beautiful."

Her eyes got wet and I realized, happily, she was touched, but Jamie was concerned:

"You like it, don't you? You're not mad? There's nobody in there with you, is there?"

"I'm not mad, exactly. And I… I can't find anybody else. Just Pet's memories. Pet's been in here since... I can't remember when she wasn't here. I can't remember any other name."

Poor Baby Sun! Forgotten, lost in time and in herself. There was not even time to mourn her. There was time only for Wanda. There would always be.

"You're not a parasite," Melanie said, to drive away Wanda's fears. "This body didn't belong to Pet, but there's nobody else to claim it. We waited to make sure, Wanda. We tried to wake her up almost as long as we tried with Jodi."

"Jodi? What happened to Jodi?" Wanda asked, full of concern.

She wanted to sit down and I helped by supporting the minimum weight her torso with my arm. Now there was a greater extension of our skins touching. It was familiar and yet new. And there was nowhere else in the world I'd rather be if not touching that skin.

Wanda looked at everyone, her watchful eye recognizing her home, her friends... The wide circle of this movement stopped for a few seconds. Jared, clinging to Mel, as he always was when they were together. I saw Mel's mouth twitch, confirming something terrible that rapidly passed through her eyes. I remembered our conversation. And I felt angry. All over again.

But we couldn't be naive to think that we wouldn't have to deal with all these feelings. They would not go away easily. The four of us had a lot to solve yet. However, I was willing to leave it for the time. I was too tired to fight the tide. Thousands of years have brought Wanda into my arms, to this moment. I would not spoil it rushing the seconds. Nothing really impressive and grand as our love could be formed in a short time. More than sea, more than the wind, it is time that erodes stones. And the time was in my favor.

Wanda continued the recognition, being informed that Sunny had stayed. She looked at her sister soul for a moment. Then she looked at Kyle, evaluating him. She considered the situation quickly, but seemed too shaken to reach any conclusion. She just looked confused, shivering like a frightened bird in my arms.

"You okay in there?" I asked, wondering if she was just too weak, in pain, confused... or... unhappy...

"I... I don't know. This feels very... weird. Every bit as weird as switching species. So much weirder than I would have thought. I... I don't know."

I could understand that. Although I could never imagine how it would be for her, I knew what it felt like to lose all your references and having to re-establish them. After all, it was me who had to stop loving Wanda in the body I met her. And then I had to learn a new way of loving that body when Mel became my friend. I had to figure out how to keep loving Wanda without a body to think about. Unable to even imagine a smile or how would it be like to be in her arms. Then came Sun, who I also loved, in a way, just by the prospect that in her face I would see Wanda's new smile.

So, yes. I could understand how this could be overwhelming for her.

"You don't mind staying here _too much_, do you, Wanda? Do you think that maybe you could tolerate it?" I murmured, my heart full of hope.

Everyone came a little closer. Those who couldn't touch Wanderer, just smiled at her, hoping and encouraging her to give the answer we needed. I more than anyone.

I brushed away a stand of her hair and held her little face in my hands. As the silver angel she was in her original form, the face of that other angel who hosted her also fitted perfectly in my hands. She did not set my gaze. Her eyes dropped to her lap and her face blushed every time I insisted. Something new to get used to.

"I suppose I could do that," she said, her voice little more than audible. "If it makes you happy."

And there she was! This was something of her own. In any body Wanda had to be Wanda.

"That's not good enough, actually. It has to make _you_ happy, too."

"I... think it might. I think it might make me very, very happy" she said, for the first time since she woke up. without hesitation in her voice.

Again I pulled her face to me, having her eyes to look into mine. Again she blushed and tried to look away. I did not care. I was even starting to like this game.

"Then you will stay" I said before kissing her passionately.

It was different this time. Her lips were small and uncertain and only mine now. No one else would ever kiss them. There were no protests, no fear. There was only certainty.

"I will stay," she said, her voice steady again.

And then I had the final confirmation that there was order in the universe. If all the events of my life have brought me to those caves ... If the world we knew were lost forever so I could meet Wanderer... If everything had culminated in this kiss ... So I'd never regret anything.

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**This is not a complaint, but the fact is that I still do not get why the vast majority of readers of this story rather not manifest. At this point I'm already used to, but I still hope it changes before we get to the end. It is not the review itself, because although it is always nice to receive them, knowing throught the stats that you read is enough feedback already. However, I really would love to know you guys just a little bit better.**

**Kisses from Brazil.**


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